Perfect...
by Lizalaroo
Summary: Heero's childhood was not as good as you thought. After all, at one time he was full of emotions and just a young boy. He wasn't perfect once upon a time and he hated the pressure, but what if his life was even worse than you thought? Ev Please R & R ^_^
1. Prologue

Perfect...  
  
Prologue  
  
First time I met him, was the first day my life really began. He had found me in an alley and offered me, a boy of no more than 8 years, to pilot a Gundam. Back then I had no idea what it was, but I had nothing else to do with my life and happily agreed, not asking any questions. The "professor" guaranteed to feed me, teach me and give me shelter as long as I stayed with him, so why not go?  
  
"What's your name?" he had asked.  
  
I thought hard for a moment. Was I ever called anything but "son"? I never really had a name, not back then. I still don't believe I deserve my name but heck, everyone else seems to think it fits me... perfectly.  
  
"I'm the son of Odin Lowe, he died just a few hours ago," I said, my eye twitching a little. Back then I was a coward, not being able to hold in any emotions. Even though I had a rifle bigger than my head on my lap, I still was quite frightened.  
  
"He died? Then," the professor was interrupted by his ringing mobile phone.  
  
I stared in front of me. I was cold and the rain was pouring down on me. I wondered how much longer I had to wait before the professor would finally take me to his car.  
  
"What? Heero Yuy is dead too? Then, oh you can't be serious. Forget about it. Yes, forget the mission," exclaimed the professor. He took one more glance at me before turning back to his mobile phone. "I have a new Heero Yuy who will hopefully be arriving soon. Yes, good bye."  
  
I stared at the professor in shock. I was hoping he didn't mean what I thought he did. Was I, a stupid young boy, going to take the place of a man who I didn't even know?  
  
"Here's where I live. I'll be waiting for you at my place. I hope you don't take too long," said the professor.  
  
I grabbed the card and began following him. He twirled around and glared at me, sending shivers up and down my spine. I gave him a questioning look before glancing at the card again. He didn't live too far away from here...  
  
"Aren't I going in your car?" I asked.  
  
He laughed coldly and grabbed the card from my hands, tearing it into a few pieces. They slowly fell into the puddles below. One piece lifted in the air as a gust of wind blew across my face. The professor quickly outstretched his hand and grabbed the piece handing it to me. This was so confusing.  
  
"This is your first test. I need to see how strong you are. Don't lose those pieces. They are the only clues to my mansion. When you get there, ask for Professor J. I will be waiting for you... Heero Yuy," the professor said.  
  
I grabbed the piece he was holding. My teeth was chattering in the cold. I nodded gravely and watched as J waled into his car and drove off, his wheels throwing mud all over my face. I sneezed and wiped the dirty mud off my face. I gripped tightly onto the piece of paper and gazed down at the ground, picking up the other soggy pieces. By looking at the tears I could easily put the card together, but the writing was smudged and I could barely make out anything.  
  
I threw my gun over my back and kicked off my torn shoes. They were no use at all. Taking another look at the card I only made out two word: Bruttle Labs.  
  
I sighed in relief. I had seen where this lab was before and knew the way. Slowly I began dragging my frozen feet on the concrete, carefully avoiding the broken glass shattered across the footpath.  
  
By the time I made it to the doorstep of the mansion, my hands were frozen, I was wet from head to toe, and I had developed a slight fever. It had taken much longer to get to the lab than I thought it would. When I knocked on the door, no one answered. I sank to my knees and pressed my head against the door. I wasn't sure what I felt, because I don't remember very well now, but I know I must have been pretty angry and yet confused at the same time.  
  
All I remember from that scene was I got very frustrated and decided to break into the house. I had seen my adopted father do this once or twice, but I wasn't quite sure how he did it. I examined the lock and it seemed it was a little unscrewed, as if someone put it there on purpose like that. I grabbed the lock and pulled with all my might until the lock broke open. I flew back onto the stairs and bit my lip in surprise. At the door stood J and I was surprised when he smiled at me, properly.  
  
That was the first time I had ever been proud of myself, and also, the last. 


	2. A fresh undisturbed mind

AN: Sorry it took me so long to put this up. Hope you like it! (  
  
Chapter 1 – A fresh undisturbed mind  
  
"You were a little slow, but that we can fix easily. Now to the training... oh before that, I have to ask you, do you go to a school anywhere?" asked J.  
  
I shook my head in shame. All I ever knew was what Odin had told me, so usually it was about something to do with mechanics. I had never had proper education anywhere. I slowly met his horrified face and turned away quickly. I didn't want him to be mad at me already. It wasn't really my fault that I never went to a school. I was a fast learner.  
  
J's face returned back to a normal emotionless face.  
  
"I see. This may be harder than I thought. Well then, I'll get you into a school as soon as possible. One of the tests is how you will manage at school," said J taking out his laptop and put it onto the dining table. He began typing away and beckoned for me to come and look. He was hacking into a few systems and enrolling me into the Junior Kates school. I looked carefully, for my instincts told me I would need these skills quite soon.  
  
A maid put a bowl with a stuffed chicken onto the table. I was as hungry as a wolf and my mouth watered as I stared at the lovely meal in front of my face. I had not eaten since lunch and I got hungry quite quickly. I stretched out my hand to grab a piece of food but J slapped my hand away. I wondered what I had done wrong. Did he want me to have table manners too?  
  
"Your training begins now. You need to learn how to starve because you will need to starve for long periods of time in your future," said J taking a piece of chicken for himself. I felt my cheeks flush pink in embarrassment, since the maid was still there. I don't know why I felt embarrassed when she looked at me like that. Was it pity or sorrow that she showed? I never knew.  
  
My eyes started wandering around the room, spotting food everywhere. It was almost as if doctor J was teasing me. I was terribly hungry and could barely concentrate on the screen in front of me. I didn't understand what this training was for. Now I know, and I now know how important that skill was.  
  
"Pay attention," growled J, taking another bite out of his drumstick. My eyes stung because I wanted to cry so much. Suddenly I couldn't hold in any longer and the tears poured down my face. At first they were unnoticeable, but as Doctor J took the last piece of chicken my silence would not last. I moaned and began wiping my tears as they dropped faster and faster.  
  
I thought I had seen J angry before, but this time, he was furious. He jumped out of his seat and threw the chicken out the open window. He lifted his fist and struck my cheek with a powerful force, strong enough to send me back into the wall. I grabbed my cheek and rubbed my aching jaw. My crying had stopped because I was too shocked. This was the first time J had hit me, and this was defianately NOT the last time. In fact, in 1 minute he hit me again after I couldn't answer his question. I started getting doubts. Should I have agreed to piloting a Gundam? After all, I didn't even know what it was. Was I willing to suffer through all this torture, just to live. Maybe it was better not to live.  
  
"Let's get to the real work now," said J suddenly becoming calm again. He grabbed my hand, bruising it as he pulled me into a different room. It looked a lot like a gym. He led me to a huge armchair. My legs barely fit over the end of the seat. He buckled me in and tied my arms and legs to the chair. I wondered what this was for. I was even more surprised when he brought in a machine with almost a score of wires connected to it. As he placed each wire on me I began to get very nervous. I had so many questions yet I knew not to ask. Most of the wires were connected to my head. As J began typing on his machine I began feeling drowsy. All my muscles were stiff and tense and a growing headache began developing in my head.  
  
"Don't show me any emotions, and try and resist as long as you can. I don't want you fainting for the next half an hour," said J.  
  
At first I thought it was impossible. My eyes kept shutting and sweat ran down my forehead. I wasn't sure how much longer I could last. Don't show anything. Soon it hurt so much, I just stop feeling it. It was strange, how I felt nothing but I was pleased. At first I was scared but I looked at J's satisfied face and knew soon it would be over. Then I became bored and the hunger came back. I was beginning to feel the pain again and it was hard not showing the anguish on my face.  
  
"Fine," said J turning off his machine. Quickly my muscles relaxed and sighed in exhaustion. I was exasperated and could barely move a muscle when J took off the wires.  
  
"Alright, now run as fast as you can to a safe place, which is your bedroom. If you are too slow I will hurt you and you will have to get away. Once you are in your bedroom you will be safe," said J taking off the ropes tying me to the chair. I gasped in shock and I could barely move.  
  
"Come on," growled J.  
  
"But I don't know where the be..." I began.  
  
"Go already!"  
  
I jumped up in defeat and struggled to get to the door. J was right behind me and he was barely jogging. I realised I was annoying him and forgot about that pain again. I ran as fast as my legs would take me across the mansion. I guessed he wanted me to find my bedroom. Suddenly I came to a dead end. I was on the second floor looking down onto the first. That's when I saw my name: "Heero Yuy" written on the door. I turned to run down the stairs but J was in my way. He smirked evilly and grabbed my hand, kicking my in the leg. I collapsed onto the ground, wondering how I would ever get to the bottom. His clenched hand flew into my head starting up my headache again. I screamed but he only hit me harder. I stared down at the first floor. It wasn't too far to jump. I took a deep breath and jumped over the railing, closing my eyes. I fell on my arm and heard a crack as it broke. My bones weren't that strong after all. My body ached as I tried to get up. J was running down the stairs already. I looked at the door with my name on it. Now it looked much further away than before. I struggled to get up and raced towards the door. How slowly it edged forward! Nevertheless I got there in the end and flung open the door just before J could catch me again.  
  
"Good. Make sure you are up early tomorrow so you can go to school," said J.  
  
I nodded and turned back to look at my room. There wasn't a bed in sight and it was dark and gloomy. There was nothing but a mat out of hay and a shiny laptop. I swore loudly staring at the piece of paper on the keyboard. I knew J wouldn't let me off that easily.  
  
Heero, I would like you to show me how much you learned today. I want to see this first in the morning. I need you to hack into this website and find me the pin code to get to the building shown on the screen.  
  
My head shook as I reached out for the laptop. How would I ever be able to hack into the website by dawn? The website was open in another window and it wasn't hard to get to their database. All I had to do was find their pin. I tried recalling what J had said earlier in the morning. Suddenly it hit me. I typed in the unregistered code and a massive amount of codes appeared on the screen. Only one was shining in red, the code for the week. I scribbled the code down on my hand with a pen near the laptop and collapsed onto the prickly mat. I was so exhausted I didn't even care how annoying the mat was. To me, rest was heaven.  
  
Of course I would get used to this stuff soon, but I was still young then, and the training was hard. Thankfully, I had school tomorrow so I didn't have to worry about training until the afternoon. Little did I know the hardest training would really be at my school. Little did I know... 


	3. To learn to kill?

**Chapter 2** - **To learn to kill**

The professor glared at the paper in his hands. A secret code written in blue was shining brightly on at the piece of paper. I gripped my bag tightly hoping J would get it over and done with. Finally, he put it down and threw it in the rubbish bin. My eyes widened and I stared at him in shock. 

"Next time memorise the number. Only trust what comes from my mouth to yours. How do you know someone didn't take the number down while you were asleep. Keep everything in your head. Next time I ask for a number, remember it and don't write it down. Understood?" asked J.

I nodded sadly and turned to leave for school.

"Wait," he exclaimed and rushed towards me.

I stopped and turned, staring at his old face. He threw out a pocket knife and gave it to me. I wasn't sure what he wanted me to do with it, but I took it cautiously.

"I want that stained in blood by the time you come home. Don't come back without blood on it. I don't care what blood it is. Yours, an animal's, another person's, JUST blood," said J.

I almost fell over in shock. I tried to imagine **me **stabbing a person or animal. It was just a little too scary. Sure, I had a gun but I had never used it and didn't even KNOW how to use it.

J grabbed me by arm and dragged my outside angrily, slamming the door in my face.

"Remember what I said! Don't come home without blood on that knife," screamed J from behind the door. 

I turned and slowly walked towards the bus stop. My day wasn't getting any better. My hopes were all gone as I entered the bus. Was it a mistake to have gone with J? I didn't know then, I don't know now. 

I walked onto the bus, my leg aching a little. I had never seen so many kids my age before and it was quite terrifying. I clutched the knife in my pocket for reassurance. Not only were all these kids friends with eachother, I was the odd one out because I had come late in the year. I slowly approached an empty seat next to a girl. I wasn't sure what to do, and neither did I know what a girl was like. 

"This seat is minded. Who the hell are you anyway?" asked the girl in a piercing high voice.

I stuttered a little, not knowing who the hell I was myself. The boys turned to stare at me. 

"Look, he's blushing! New guy likes Stacey," exclaimed one of the boys with red hair. 

I closed my eyes in shame and walked away from the girl. I looked at the boys, especially at the red head who was now grinning mischievously at me. My hands shook a little as I tried to turn away from the boy before he said anything else.

"My name's Jacob, and you better learn it, cause I'm boss around here. New guys aren't appreciated in this school. They have to make it up to us, by being our slaves for 2 months," said the red head boy. 

"Oi, Nathan! Where's my lunch money?" screamed another boy next to Jacob. He held a book, labelled Simon. I stared in shock as a boy wearing glasses nervously rushed up to Simon and held out some money. The bus halted and the doors flung open as the boy made his way to the door to escape the bullies. Simon carefully counted the money. After all, we were only 8 year olds back then and some people couldn't count properly. 

I followed the boy out the bus, ignoring Jacob's screams from behind me. I found Nathan quickly and began walking next to him hoping he was in the same grade as me.

"Those boys, I hate them! There is nothing you can do to stop them once they start. I suggest you just do as they tell you, to save you the torture you get for trying to stand up to them. They take my lunch money each day so I starve. Its really not that bad and I've gotten used to it. Plus, my two months are almost over. In three days, I get to be free and become like one of the other Grade 2ers," said Nathan. I looked him over as he turned the corner, into a bright room. He was a scrawny little boy and obviously didn't get enough food. He had a slight bruise on his cheek, but I didn't bother asking him about it. 

The class turned to see who had entered the room, and at seeing me their gazes went directly at me, staring at me as if I was a fish in an aquarium on display. A couple of boys got up from their chairs and walked directly at me, shoving Nathan out of the way. 

"I'm Sam, and that's Harry. Who are you?" asked the boy in front of me.

I opened my mouth to tell them I didn't know who I was but the door flung open revealing Jacob and Simon staring angrily at me.

"You better watch out for them. They always make up strange rules and scare newcomers. We only hang out with cool people, but you seem pretty alright and we aren't against newcomers like Simon is. Anyway, watch out," whispered Harry before returning to his seat.

I ran the new names over in my head trying to ignore Simon and Jacob who were circling around me, observing me as I stood completely straight. I felt stupidly nervous and worried as if I cared so much what there judgement would be.

"Nathan: other new boy, Sam: cool guy, Harry: cool guy, Simon and Jacob: bullies," I thought, trying to figure out who I should befriend.

"Hey I'm talking to you loser! What's your name?" asked Jacob angrily, interrupting my thoughts.

A sudden panic rose within me. I didn't quite know what my name was. I was enrolled as Heero Yuy, but that wasn't my name. I felt so confused my head began throbbing.

"I don't know my name," I stuttered, glancing at Sam and Harry who suddenly broke into fits of laughter. Soon the whole class was roaring with laughter, pointing their fingers at me and whispering secrets to eachother. My ears felt hot in embarrassment. I felt my eyes sting suddenly as if I was about to cry and Simon seemed to notice because his lips broke into a smirk.

"That's right! Cry if you want! It will only give me more pleasure," exclaimed Jacob pushing me backwards.

I realised then I had no chance of having any friends. They thought I was stupid and an idiot. Why didn't I just answer Heero Yuy? That is after all my name isn't it? A tear rolled down my flushed cheek as anger burbled in my chest and throat. I couldn't take it in any longer. My hand reached for the pocket knife and gripped it tightly in anger.

"Don't come home without blood stained on that knife," J had told me. If I couldn't imagine myself stabbing a living thing before, I found it perfectly appropriate now that I had the chance. My hand lifted out of my pocket, bringing the knife out too. Before anyone realised what was happening, my knife was slicing at Jacob's shirt and ripping his skin. His scream rose into the air and I realised what I had done but it was too late. The blood was dripping down the knife and onto my shaking hands and a teacher raced into the room to see what the commotion was about. One look at the knife brought her into hysterics as she grabbed my knife-free hand and dragged me out of the classroom, slipping the knife out of my fingers.

"I'm calling your parents right now! What are their numbers?" exclaimed the teacher, pointing to another teacher to go help the bleeding boy.

"I don't have any parents," I said through tears.

"Oh, you're the new boy Heero Yuy aren't you?"

"Yes."

"I can't believe you did that. Class had barely started and you already got yourself into trouble!"

"I don't know what came over me. I've been having trouble at home. I'm so sorry. Is he going to be ok?"

The teacher looked at me with the same sympathy as the maid had, when J took my dinner away from me. Her eyes were filled with sadness and her grip on my wrist lightened. 

"Why you absolute moron," growled a harsh voice behind me. I twirled around to see Dr J standing there, his face red with fury.

"Excuse me, who are you?" asked the teacher politely.

"I'm his guardian. What did this imbecile do this time? Burn down the building?" exclaimed Dr J. Before the teacher could reply I found J's cold metal hand gripping my wrist and pulling me away from the worried teacher. His other hand struck my face just as some students in the class turned the corner to see what had been done with me. I felt hot again with embarrassment. I felt like I had no dignity and my pride had been replaced with shame. How could school be so horrible?

"Walk boy!" screamed Dr J, slapping me on the arm again. I hurried, hoping to get away from the building where the teachers would stop staring at me with such sad, sympathetic eyes. The minute we left the building Dr J let go of my arm and kicked me hard in the shin. I collapsed in anguish and stared at him with terrified boys.

"You stupid boy! Do you know how much trouble you could have gotten yourself into," said Dr J.

"But I was only doing what you told me. I was only following instructions! You told me to stain the knife with blood not caring how I did it, so I did exactly as you told me," I exclaimed.

Suddenly Dr J's face softened and for a moment he looked like he was remembering something pleasant from a while ago, but his face turned stone cold as quickly as it softened.

"Common sense! Don't you have any? You could have gotten yourself in jail and now everyone thinks you're some kind of murderer, and you aren't even one yet! Next time, learn to take care of things properly. You shouldn't have stabbed the boy like that when you knew you'd get into trouble. If you wanted to stab a boy, then you should have done it from the back and skilfully so no one would have seen you. Not only did you make your intentions clear, but you lost the evidence they could use against you. Luckily I came to your rescue and stole the knife while the teacher wasn't looking," said Dr J showing the knife I had used to stab the boy.

"We have a lot of skills to work on boy. As far as I'm concerned your useless. If you don't shape up and start showing improvement by tomorrow, I'm throwing you on the streets. I didn't take you in so you could laze about and act stupid," continued Dr J. He paused and stared at the tear trickling down my cheek. Back then I couldn't control my tears, and how they streamed and so many times!

"Stop crying jerk! Be home in 5 minutes, or else you'll get a horrible beating from me," said Dr J stepping into his car and racing off before Heero could even wipe away his tear.

Of course I made it in time, but my spirits were down. How I made it through those times, I don't know... but I don't like remembering about it now. I remember that day well, the first day I ever drew blood, and it was definitely not the last. In fact, the next day I had a new mission, that traumatised me for 3 years after...


End file.
